...a Mom: The Eldest Has Lost His Brain

This weekend we visited my sister-in-law who has a lovely in-ground pool that the boys love to swim in. She's also got an awesome array of waterguns and other pool paraphernalia. As I'm 35 weeks plus pregnant, I'm not about to don a bathing suit to go in, despite the temps, so I was sitting poolside in shorts and a t-shirt- the ONLY clothes I have brought with me. For some reason, my eldest decides to demonstrate something with the water guns that he then swings in my direction and completely soaks my shorts- a perfectly aimed shot. As they'd already been warned multiples times that these were "the only clothes Mommy has" it results in a five minute time-out out of the pool. My husband looks at him and asks with a little chuckle, "did you lose your brain?"

The younger, R, swims around patiently for his brother to rejoin him in the pool and when brother's time out is up, asks him in all innocence "X- did you find your brain?"

Despite being soaked and quite uqly about it (yay, wet underwear), I have to laugh.

...a TV Junkie: The Olympics

Normally, I could care less for the Olympics. Not because I'm anti-American or anything like that, I think it actually stems from going on family vacations every year when I was young and having the television commandeered by my father/uncles/grandfather ...anyone but me. So if there was any kind of sporting event on (ie: the Olympics) it was on 24/7. As a kid, that's an eternity and a day plus a couple of months when your vacation is 2 weeks long. These are also the same uncles/grandfather who, on one vacation thought it would be funny to scare the bejesus out of me while we were watching Stephen King's "It" (that starred Tim Curry as the scarest freakin' clown EVER). The living room was set up so that the couch, where the culprits sat, was to the left of the chair that I was sitting in, and back a little ways. The TV was to the front and right, so if you were watching TV, you couldn't see what was behind you. There's a scene that takes place in a library where these balloons float down from the ceiling and burst, splattering everything with blood. The culprits thought it would be funny to float some well timed balloons they'd blown up over my unsuspecting shoulder, forever embedding that night clearly into my memory. Evil bastards (but I love you all).

Anyway, I digress. For some reason, I've watched more Olympics this year, mostly willingly, then I ever have in my entire 31 years put together. I won't admit it to the hubby, but I'm probably just as into it as he is. I was amazed at the opening ceremonies, LOVED that Michael Phelps completely kicked butt like no other (except for Natalie Coughlin who really deserves a little more press) and that Dara Torres got a silver medal at 40 (41?). I've been outraged when our gymnastic team has gotten the shaft from the judges, watched the women's beach volleyball with some interest, and thought WTF when Bob Costas, sporting a really bad toupee, asked G Dubya all kinds of questions that were not at all Olympic related (seriously, what WAS that interview about?).

All I can chalk it up to is being pregnant with another boy- must be the extra testerone. But my grandmother commented to me today that even she's been up to 11:30-12 am watching as well. So maybe it's just that this year has been extra exciting...I don't know. All I know for sure is I am stinkin' tired, and I think it's time to change the channel so I can get a little more sleep :)

...a pet owner: Battle of Wills part 2

To Perp #2, all I have to say is:

Squirt. Squirt.

I am winning.

You can jump on me, get in my window, walk all over me, but I will continue to soak you and I will win. Oh yes, I will win.

...a pet owner: How To Win a Battle of Wills With a Cat

Two years ago this fall, we adopted two cats from our local shelter and dubbed them Cosmo and Wanda (those of you with younger children will probably catch the reference).

See perp #1:












and perp#2:









(doesn't he look sweet?)




Now, Perp#1 has apparently been having some abandonment issues (twice we have left them on overnights, each a couple of days, which we have done countless times) and she has pooped and peed in my new office. Seriously, the carpets been down a month. Really not happy with her, but I get the point. Why now though, I have no idea.

Perp #2 though- he's the real star of this story. We left to visit some family on Friday and returned late Monday (don't worry, we left tons of food and water), only to find him outside. Looked fine, but I was completely freaked out as 1) I'd carried the cat inside myself before leaving and 2) had no idea how long he'd been out and 3) wondered if he'd found some mysterious way to escape. It would be another day though before we found out the truth.

The truth, as it turns out, was discovered at 3:40 the other morning as Perp #2 decided to make a break for it. The escape route? The air conditioning unit located next to my side of the bed. He'd managed to pull out the stuff we had sealing it underneath, and had separated the accordian thingy on the sides that make the window "closed". I caught him before he got out, closed it all back up, called him a naughty name and went back to sleep hoping that would be the end of it.

Uh, nope.

To make a long story short, I spent the next two hours chasing him away, tossing dirty items of clothes at him, tossing him, shooing him, pushing him off the bed,hollering at him to get him to stop clawing the box for the crib that still needs to be put together, and finally (remembering) resorting to getting out one of the kiddies squirt guns and soaking him before he finally stopped trying to either escape or get us to let him out. Let me preface all of this by saying I'm 34 weeks pregnant and really need my sleep. Without it, I'm fairly useless and all sorts of crankiness.

Night #2. AC comes out of window, thankfully, it's not too hot. Cat tries to get out and realizes the window is closed. It's around 4:30 am and so I hope that's it. He'll go away.

Nope.

So out comes the squirt gun. Any funny business. Squirt. Goes for window. Squirt. Jumps on bed and walks all over us. Squirt. Squirt.

I'm fairly sure tonight will run something similar. But my gun will be loaded, and I'm gonna win damn it.

Squirt.

Welcome!

Welcome to "The Secret Life of..." sometimes it'll be a Mom, a business owner, pet owner, cranky preggo...whatever the case may be. Because I'm all of those things, I'm opting to leave my real name off (see profile to right). But I'll call myself Delaney.

And if you happen to "know" me from some other walk of life, I hope you'll continue to stop by and see what it takes for this lady to stay sane while juggling all of the above.